


A Tale Told By An Idiot

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Fic within a Fic, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Metafiction, Not That The Darkpilot Fandom Does Anything Like Described In The Fic, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:27:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29055150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben finds a bad fanfic of him and Poe.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 2
Collections: Bad Day Collection, Star Wars Crack, Trope Bingo: Round Sixteen





	A Tale Told By An Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Metafiction
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was supposed to be a normal night coming back from the Academy. Supposed to. Ben had spent some time babysitting Grogu and teaching him a few things (even Voe seemed to soften around Grogu. Ben could only assume that Grogu had some sort of Force power that softened the hearts of anyone) and now he was ready to actually crash in his hut and relax.   
  
Ready to.   
  
At least until he got a message from Hennix on his datapad. _Ben...don’t go on the Holonet._  
  
Ben furrowed his brow. Messaged Hennix back. _Why?_  
  
 _Just don’t,_ Hennix messaged him back.   
  
***  
  
Ben did everything to distract himself from what Hennix had said. Stars willing. But he went on the Holonet. Damn him and his curiosity.   
  
“ ‘The Pilot and the Jedi’?" Ben read out loud. Okay, someone was clearly writing a story about him and Poe. Judging from the summary. Question was, how would anyone know about his crush on Poe? Well, okay, that was an understatement. Ben was, in short, madly in love with Poe. He had been the one who had defended Poe tooth and nail (and stars willing he had plenty of tooth and nail to spare) from people who bad-mouthed him for being a spice runner, he’d comforted Poe when he’d had nightmares about not being able to save Sela Trune, and would generally do anything for him. Anything.   
  
How would this person even know about Ben’s thing for Poe? That was the only explanation. Unless...  
  
You didn’t just _ship_ real people, did you?  
  
***  
  
THINGS BEN SOLO FINDS WRONG WITH THIS FANFIC:   
  
-Why, why, why do I have “chocolate colored orbs”? Who uses the term “orbs” anyway?  
  
- ~~If anyone honestly thinks I am the most handsome person in the galaxy, they need to get an eye exam.~~  
  
-My parents were NOT abusive! Just because they left me with one nanny droid does not make them horrible abusers out of a bad holo.   
  
-Does this author have a problem with my mother being a working woman?  
  
-What did my father ever do to this author?  
  
-My mother is not STUPID, CRUEL AND OVERALL AWFUL ENOUGH TO ~~KIDNAP~~ “ADOPT” POE AS HER SURROGATE. (If we’re not related, is it still incest?)  
  
-I don’t have that big a “length”. ~~Dammit...~~  
  
-Poe is a wonderful man and infinitely superior to this idiotic author!  
  
***  
  
Ben was already burying his head in his pillow, feeling the aftereffects not unlike an emotional hangover (if you didn’t drink, could it be considered like a hangover?) when the comm rang. He groaned, stumbled out of bed, tangled in the sheets in a truly undignified way, when he went to answer it.   
  
“You look like you’re suffering a bad hangover,” Poe said.   
  
“Yeah. I guess.”  
  
“Look, about that fanfic...”  
  
“That is _not_ fiction!” Ben exclaimed. “That is an unholy abomination not fit for sentient consumption!”  
  
Poe sighed. “So you didn’t like it.”  
  
“My parents weren’t abusive,” Ben said. “There’s nothing abusive about leaving me with a nanny droid...”  
  
“Oh, sweetie, I know. Uh, oops.”  
  
Silence.   
  
“Yeah, um, wow,” Poe said, “Not exactly how I expected this to come out. But yeah, I, um...I really like you, Ben. No idea how this author got ahold of it. Friends in high places? Telepathy?”  
  
“I don’t want to think about that too hard,” Ben said.   
  
“Point is...I love you, Ben. It’s not how I wanted that to come out. Especially after that...thing with Zorii.” Poe sighed. “It was so weird that...yeah.”  
  
"I can see it. It’s why I got so upset. How it was insulting you.”  
  
“The Jedi Knight defending my honor?” Poe said wryly.   
  
“Because I love you,” Ben said. “Honestly, Poe, even after both our hearts stop beating, I’d defend you to the death."  
  
“You mean that?” Poe said. “No one’s said that to me before. Even Zorii — well, I think in her own way she cared, but she wasn’t right for me. Maybe you are.”  
  
“We could start with a date,” Ben said. “Show what that writer got wrong.”  
  
“Yeah. See you then.” Then, “You know, it could have been worse. It could have included tentacles.”  
  
Ben playfully tossed a pillow at the console even as it shut off.


End file.
